At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I need water and some morals
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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