The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
either way he was missing a nipple.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
