I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
