never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
