we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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