FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
