At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
