You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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