anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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