I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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