We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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