I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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