my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
