She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
