Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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