he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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