ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
