omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
