People with herpes should wear stickers.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
ttyl tear gas
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
