I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
