maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
