i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
