Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
You've changed since you got that strap on
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
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