and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Randomize
