How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
