Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
