Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
