Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize
