So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
