Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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