You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
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I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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