i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
i think i have herpe
just one?
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
What happened to fro yo and sex?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
This toilet bowl is my home.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
