Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
