I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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