Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
