You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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