I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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