the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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