If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Send help, water and tortillas.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
