i jhust puked up my retainher.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
