Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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