pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Randomize
