Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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