if i can run in heels then i can drive
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Ladies don't puke and tell
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
