I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I want to make a zoo with you.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
