Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
