why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize