i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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