btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Randomize
