i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
