My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
