Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
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