I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Randomize
