How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
