apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I have aggressive nipples.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
