What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
