i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
