Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
