i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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