Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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