we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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