I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
