remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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