You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
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