I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
