I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
