For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
