I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
