i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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