He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
