apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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