Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I had to cum in my sink.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
