Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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