You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Randomize
