Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize
