you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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