your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
