You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
