it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I can't turn off my feet"
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
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