just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
