the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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