Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
