Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
