WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
