my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
