I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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